you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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