Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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