You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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