Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
