i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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