just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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