i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
