He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
