I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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