Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
