how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
