forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
