i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
