I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
