Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
