Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
