Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's rum buckets o'clock
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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