So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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