I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
