Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
