Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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