More tranny stories later!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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