wakey wakey hands off snakey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
