Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
