she was so not down for the gang bang
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
