I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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