yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
