Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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