How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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