Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
