I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
