im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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