you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
smell my finger.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The adults are the big ones right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
