So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
