i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
