yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
