Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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