and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
