shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
