clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
