if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
