you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need a beard to bite.
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