omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to cum in my sink.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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