i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
