I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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