do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
