For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
