When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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