She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
