are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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