My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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