now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
