you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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