i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
