Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize