Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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