you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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