Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
