you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
