Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
