dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
