Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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