he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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