My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize