Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am mentally ready for anal.
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