Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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