We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
