from now on my penis is your penis
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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