you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
