wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
