Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
