people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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